“did you give all you had to give or did you give conservative.” – Pennywise

I have a real issue with authority. I have a real issue with control. I hate bullies and injustice. When life comes pushing, I prefer to shove back. Lately life has been pushing me around. In the past I accepted it. I took overtime shifts, extra work, and other of life’s knocks and let it change things. Let it change what I ate, I what did for training, how I felt.

But here is what I found. I can shove back And taking control of what’s in my control has changed everything Inside my head. So while I am working 3 extra night court shifts this week I am not getting off my nutritional plan. I am not skipping when work gets crazy my training (some modifications need to be made so I don’t die).

It’s easy to say “I had to work until 1am” so I have to eat pizza. No. I don’t. It’s easy to say: I didn’t sleep. I am eating a pile of sugar (soda, candy, pie). No. I don’t. It’s easy to say: I am working so much I can’t do all my training so I am not doing any of it. My new rule for myself is if I have time to get down on myself I have time to go running. Try getting down on yourself during a run, it’s hard because your winning the battle at that moment. Maybe I only get in a 40 minute run. Guess what, that’s way better than nothing.

instead Of getting down and frustrated I am getting plain old peed off and that anger and rage is a 1000 fires that burn brighter than the darkness of the world that would pull you down. Shoving back feels amazing.

I may win this fight. I may lose it. But I know this. It feels good to pick the fight. It feels good to stop complaining and seeing it as all beyond on my control. It feels good to shove back.